Let it Be

Sometimes I have an experience where I step back, realistically look at the big picture and think, "this is not my life."

But it is.

Dad starts his radiation on 7/27 and has 6 treatments total within about a 2 week span. Please pray this doesn't weigh too heavily on his body and that he is able to tolerate it. Having him off the chemo while he does the radiation has been a completely blessing because he fees better and is able to interact and not be so exhausted.

I am so proud of him.

A song that I have been humming daily for a few months now is an amazing song by The Beatles. It's goes a little something like this ...

**When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Ah let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music,
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Yeah let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Ah let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be**

Family Sunday

Coleman always finds his way to Pawpaws lap. I walked into the living room and saw this ......

Today is a good day.

Reassurance

I have some wonderful friends who are standing by me and also some who are actually going through similar situations and she sent me this verse that I take comfort in. Used in any circumstance, you could take comfort in these words also.


Philippians 4:6,7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.



God Bless!

Chemo and the next best thing.

Mom and dad have taken a MUCH needed mini vacation down to stay with their friends Brenda and Gary at their house in Panama City Beach. I am so glad they were able to go and get that time together.

The oral chemo they have (had) dad on is called nexavar. He has been on it for about 2.5 weeks now. He did really well for the first week with little to no side effects. This last week has been really hard for him. He is extremely tired and has completely lost his appetite. I'll spare his modesty as he would probably hunt me down for having this blog in the first place, but let's just say some more unpleasant side effects were more aggravating than others. We got a call yesterday from the doctor who will be doing the radiation and he gave him the go ahead to stop taking the Nexavar. In one sense I was like "good! Now you'll feel better" and then I thought wait .. But now what?

All chemo medications are different and each one has different effects on different people. Some people can tolerate some medications and others cant. So basically they start you out on the medication proven to be most effective for your specific condition and then if you can't tolerate it you go to the next best thing.

For now, he will be able to feel good enough to enjoy things going on around him until we get to the next best thing.

I have to give him credit, he is a fighter. In the same situation I would probably not been as "bounce back-ish" as he was and immediately start fighting - and for that, I am glad everyone has different reactions! He is fighting and I believe it is 95% for Coleman and 5% for us. Which is fine with me ... JUST DO IT!

Prayers are continuously welcomed around here.

God bless!

We will take this ...

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

God Bless,

Em

Bittersweet Happenings

In the previous post I have every intention to blog more frequently until life happened and hit me like an avalanche that wont stop rolling.

I lost my grandfather (on my dads side) in March of this year and it was a complete blow to our family. We ALL struggled with his loss tremendously as he was not just a grandparent to us, he was a HUGE part in our upbringing. I mourned his loss everyday trying to make sense of what was happening around me when the rug got completely ripped out from our feet once again .. a month to the day after my grandfather passed.

Cancer. NO ONE EVER wants to hear that word. Peoples knees shudder at the sound of that word and a dark cloud of fear hangs over it, constantly. We learned that my daddy has cancer in his liver and also in a lymph node just outside of his stomach. I have never in my life felt the pain I felt that day he walked in sobbing telling my mom, sister and I that he had cancer. Never have I ever gained such a hate for something in such a short amount of time. You are not supposed to lose your dad at 26. Period.

It is now July 1st and we have gone through one TACE procedure and about 2 weeks of oral chemo. He will be starting radiation and undergoing another TACE procedure in efforts to shrink the tumor on his liver and to kill the cancer cells in his lymph node. I feel like I have taken all this like a champ, as good as I can take it. I am strong for him, hardly letting him see or hear my cry, but just emotional enough so that he knows I care. There is just something about seeing your dad pounds lighter and so exhausted all the time that breaks my heart into a million pieces over and over.

All of my friends have been amazing throughout this entire terrible journey and continue to be wonderful to me but I feel I need another emotional outlet. I will use this blog as a way to write out my feelings, any new updates, etc. I will NOT use CaringBridge because I can not mentally handle writing on that website ... it's so official.

In the midst of all of this, I have to raise my child and I struggle everyday with doing that the way I want to in such a terrible time for our family. I fight back tears everyday knowing that it is likely that my dad will not see him graduate high school or watch him play middle school football. I love him so much and it kills me to not be able to give him 100% when I feel like crawling in the bed and hiding from life. But HE is my reason for pushing on and HE is my dads reason for fighting this thing. So we will continue to move forward and do what we do. Just in a bittersweet kind of way.

I don't know how many people will read this nor do I care. The goal of this is to keep my feelings in check (as much as I can) and to keep those who care updated. For those of you who have gone through similar situations and feel like you have words of encouragement to contribute or anything to lift spirits, just know that WE NEED THAT. Please feel free to email me emgriff1120@yahoo.com with any advice or encouragement.

God Bless.

Been a while ..

Since my last post .. there has been SO much going on.


We have moved into our new house, a special little boy turned five years old, Halloween and Thanksgiving have come and gone, Pinterest has been a staple in decorating my new house, and THIS girl is getting all A's in school! Whoop whoop!

I have SO many pictures I plan on posting and posts I want to write but I will say this NOW .. I want to be able to look back on all my memories so I WILL continue to post as regularly as possible.